I once saw a dog with three legs
I once saw a 15 year old chugging on 2 kegs
I once saw a 15 year old pass out drunk
I once saw someone put a dog in their trunk
I once saw someone chugging down some milk
I once saw someone wearing nothing but silk
I once saw a tree with no leaves
I once saw someone trusting someone who no one believes
I once saw a car with only two tires
I once saw ads in the newspaper sellers and buyers
I once saw a guy with 10 rings on his finger
I once saw a bee with no stinger
I once saw a dead bee with no stinger
I once saw someone letting it linger
I once saw a homeless man with a car
I once saw a guy named alonozo alazar
I once saw a movie with no point
I once saw a guy smoking a joint
I once saw a house with no roof
I once saw someone with one toof
I once saw a kid with chocolate on his face
I once saw someone acting like a big disgrace
I once saw someone with their pants half way down
I once saw a pretty girl with a big frown
I once saw a duck bathing in a pond
I once saw someone with a cape and a wand
I once saw a cow with no spots
I once saw someone with a phone
I once saw someone who was afraid to call home
I once saw someone who was very depressed
I once saw someone who had their feelings suppressed
I once saw someone getting abused
I once saw someone who was bruised
I once saw a rainbow on a sunny day
I once saw a someone wearing a jacket in the month of may
I once saw a telephone pole that was worn down
I once saw someone who was not a king wearing a crown
I once saw people fighting over a girl
I once saw a necklace made of pearl
I once saw some strangers fighting over a parking space
I once saw my ex-step father spit in my moms face
I once saw people coming together
I once saw a couple that believed in forever
I once saw a kid who didn't have a clue
I once saw three man painted in blue
I once saw a popstar shave off her hair
I once saw people laugh at her and despair
I once saw someone falling off a roof
I once saw someone being a goof
I once saw someone laughing
I once saw a work place with no staffing
I once saw a piece of chicken with another piece of chicken and cheese with no bun
I once saw someone who weighed a ton
I once saw one person screw over many
I once saw someone who only had a penny
I once saw someone who had a million dollars
I once saw a human wearing dog collars
I once saw two cars collide
I once saw someone slide down a slide
I once saw a video go worldwide
I once saw just how much love can provide
I once saw a movie that was a beating
I once saw a dog in need of a cleaning
I once saw a whole world searching for meaning.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Texas Rangers on an 11 game winning streak .
Yeah so my predictions aren't looking so good. The Texas Rangers are on freaking fire they've won 11 straight games. If you're counting at home that is 11. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11. I couldn't count to 11 till I was 11. I wouldn't say I was dropped on the head as a child as I was banged repeatedly. My parents always said they were just trying to get the ants off, but I never felt any bites. Maybe cause they were getting them off. Any event the rangers are on fire. Hamilton is on fire. Have you noticed that if you say someone is on fire everyone thinks you mean it in a good way? What if your friend really was on fire and you were like "JOHN IS ON FIRE GUYS JOHN HE'S ON FUCKING FIRE!" and they just sit there "Yeah he's a cool dude. Why is he on fire though?" then it keeps going on and on. Dangerous trends going on in the world right now, but what can you do? Make a stupid song about it then get on American Idol, and become the spokesperson for the anti pant sagging group? Thats not going to change much.
What was this about again? Oh yeah the rangers winning 11 straight. Their second longest streak in club history. The best was 14 back in 1991. So if the Texas Rangers can sweep the Astros then wee would tie the record. Then they had out to the Angels ballpark, and try to survive with a Feldman/Harrison combo for the first two games. I have a feeling the losing streak will end there, or sunday's game against the Astros. Either way it's been a lot of fun watching it. I love Jim Knox's segments they really keep the game moving. Also I put a stat counter on this blog to see how many people visit it and I haven't checked in a week or so. Last time i checked it was about 14 people a day. Which is about how many people you'd find in a mcdonalds during lunch time. I have about an average of 7-8 people of day and just over 100 people over all.
That is way more than I expected. The truth is I don't do it for the hits because I wouldn't be getting hit often. I do it for the joy of bringing knowledge to those smart enough to listen. You can't find this quality stuff anywhere else, and I am perfectly fine with not a lot of people knowing about it because if they did. There would be way too many smart people walking around, and then there will be more competition to get on Jeporady which I really want to be on, and not just cause Alex's last name reminds of Star Trek. I don't think I'd win on Jeporady, but I just want to make it because if you make it on then people think you're smart. I'm tired and I'm falling asleep. So I'm going to bed.
What was this about again? Oh yeah the rangers winning 11 straight. Their second longest streak in club history. The best was 14 back in 1991. So if the Texas Rangers can sweep the Astros then wee would tie the record. Then they had out to the Angels ballpark, and try to survive with a Feldman/Harrison combo for the first two games. I have a feeling the losing streak will end there, or sunday's game against the Astros. Either way it's been a lot of fun watching it. I love Jim Knox's segments they really keep the game moving. Also I put a stat counter on this blog to see how many people visit it and I haven't checked in a week or so. Last time i checked it was about 14 people a day. Which is about how many people you'd find in a mcdonalds during lunch time. I have about an average of 7-8 people of day and just over 100 people over all.
That is way more than I expected. The truth is I don't do it for the hits because I wouldn't be getting hit often. I do it for the joy of bringing knowledge to those smart enough to listen. You can't find this quality stuff anywhere else, and I am perfectly fine with not a lot of people knowing about it because if they did. There would be way too many smart people walking around, and then there will be more competition to get on Jeporady which I really want to be on, and not just cause Alex's last name reminds of Star Trek. I don't think I'd win on Jeporady, but I just want to make it because if you make it on then people think you're smart. I'm tired and I'm falling asleep. So I'm going to bed.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
We are the Rangers
We are the rangers we win when we want to
We are the rangers we win and wear blue
when we want to
Sometimes we wear red and white
And sometimes grey and we fly it high like a kite
When things get tough we start to falter
We get more ass than Taylor Launter
We score runs if we feel like it
That's usually dependent on whether or not a lefty is on the mound
And speaking of mounds we pound more mound than a greyhound
We pitch like we mean it
And when we mess up we say shit
Not cussing is for pussies
Don't talk back to us
We tough we cuss
We are the rangers
And when we creeping we are the strangers
We got heaters and bombs
We stir more pots than stay at home moms
We can be sexist if we want
And we're not afraid of bunts
We bunt whenever we feel like it
And we'll grab a tit
Cause when we roll
We rock
And when we roll
We troll
And when we troll
We're the beesknees
We'll infest your sheets with fleas
You want to fuck with our manager
We stay together so we'll protect him when he cries
And we'll be the shield that protects his eyes
We'll get your mom to bake him pies
Then we won't even eat them
We'll just stare at them
Because your mom can't bake
The only thing her food is good for is a spittake
We are the rangers
We are the rangers we win and wear blue
when we want to
Sometimes we wear red and white
And sometimes grey and we fly it high like a kite
When things get tough we start to falter
We get more ass than Taylor Launter
We score runs if we feel like it
That's usually dependent on whether or not a lefty is on the mound
And speaking of mounds we pound more mound than a greyhound
We pitch like we mean it
And when we mess up we say shit
Not cussing is for pussies
Don't talk back to us
We tough we cuss
We are the rangers
And when we creeping we are the strangers
We got heaters and bombs
We stir more pots than stay at home moms
We can be sexist if we want
And we're not afraid of bunts
We bunt whenever we feel like it
And we'll grab a tit
Cause when we roll
We rock
And when we roll
We troll
And when we troll
We're the beesknees
We'll infest your sheets with fleas
You want to fuck with our manager
We stay together so we'll protect him when he cries
And we'll be the shield that protects his eyes
We'll get your mom to bake him pies
Then we won't even eat them
We'll just stare at them
Because your mom can't bake
The only thing her food is good for is a spittake
We are the rangers
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Jim Joyce a hero
Jim Joyce missed a call that messed up a perfect game. If you're a baseball fan and own any type of device that gets news to it then you know all about it. People are hating him and saying he needs to be fired, or have fireworks stuck up his ass while he takes a shit. This man should not be hated, though. This man is a fucking hero. By being completely clueless of the call he made a stance against dreams everywhere. This man is putting realistic thoughts in kids, and that's a fucking prize in itself. Kids see all these perfect games being thrown and they'll get some idea that they can do it too. No you can't. No you can't fucking Johnny you suck at baseball, and you gave up a homerun to the kid who only plays cause his mom is fucking the coach. Stick with a real fucking career Johnny. Your dad is a trashman there is nothing wrong with that. You may want to be more, but the truth is you'll be lucky to be a fucking trashman. Stop chasing dreams, and start chasing that blue collar.
Jim Joyce tried to put a hold on this fucking dream shit, and change. Fuck dreams you know what i wanted to be as a kid? A fucking stripper. I can't be a fucking stripper. The only pack on my stomach is the ice pack I put on there after doing 7 crunches. My dick is fairly long, but not long enough to fill out one of those thongs that they wear. And my dancing is like a 7 year old on his birthday after he has had too much cake, and shit his pants no one knows though. So he just goes around twisting and picking his ass. I'm not gonna be a stripper. Now I'm stuck writing on this fucking blog about baseball. This pays for nothing. You know how much strippers make? Yeah me neither cause I'M NOT A FUCKING STRIPPER! STOP WITH THE CHANGE, AND DREAMS SHIT. JIM JOYCE WANTED TO BE RAY CHARLES WHEN HE GREW UP, BUT HE CAN'T PLAY THE FUCKING PIANO! So now he's an umpire. You think he likes being an umpire? Fuck no. Listen to him.
No more dreams. Reality owns.
Jim Joyce tried to put a hold on this fucking dream shit, and change. Fuck dreams you know what i wanted to be as a kid? A fucking stripper. I can't be a fucking stripper. The only pack on my stomach is the ice pack I put on there after doing 7 crunches. My dick is fairly long, but not long enough to fill out one of those thongs that they wear. And my dancing is like a 7 year old on his birthday after he has had too much cake, and shit his pants no one knows though. So he just goes around twisting and picking his ass. I'm not gonna be a stripper. Now I'm stuck writing on this fucking blog about baseball. This pays for nothing. You know how much strippers make? Yeah me neither cause I'M NOT A FUCKING STRIPPER! STOP WITH THE CHANGE, AND DREAMS SHIT. JIM JOYCE WANTED TO BE RAY CHARLES WHEN HE GREW UP, BUT HE CAN'T PLAY THE FUCKING PIANO! So now he's an umpire. You think he likes being an umpire? Fuck no. Listen to him.
No more dreams. Reality owns.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
The art of catching a foul ball
When you go to a ball game you go to watch a game obviously, but you also go in hopes that you will catch a foul ball or if you're lucky and have cheap seats out in the bleachers you hope to catch a homerun ball. Poor people need balls too they're an important part of society who would cook those dollar hot dogs you eat. Anyways though when you catch a foul ball there is an art to it sometimes its the high priced art that snobby rich people have that no one gets and it's ugly, but it still looks good somehow in your living room. Maybe the big ass tv screen just makes the whole room seem nice in any event these are called ugly catches. They consist of drunk guys going after a ball and hitting kids spilling beer on women who are still trying to figure out what sport they're watching and then when the drunk guy gets the ball he looks for the camera, but he doesn't know where to look so it looks like he is getting chased by bees. Yeah that's an ugly foul ball catch, but still it's beautiful to that drunk dude. There is also the ugly foul ball catch that consists of the guy who looks like he should be able to catch a ball but apparently has never touched balls that weren't attached to him. He fumbles it around like Tony Romo in the playoffs and ends up trying to find the ball under the seats, and gets a wiff of some nasty trailer trash crotch.
Then there is the beautiful foul ball catch and that is of course the one that is caught on the fly or by a kid with a glove. But I look for the different kind of beauitful the one where it goes into the stands bounces off the second deck and lands on someone in the lower deck. Beautiful. Or the foul ball that doesn't want to be caught so it hides under empty seats and people are looking for it and they end up not even watching the game anymore. Then some guy walking back with his hot dog happens to stumble upon it. There are a lot of ways to catch a foul ball but just remember if a ball is coming to you catch the fucking ball, you douche.
Then there is the beautiful foul ball catch and that is of course the one that is caught on the fly or by a kid with a glove. But I look for the different kind of beauitful the one where it goes into the stands bounces off the second deck and lands on someone in the lower deck. Beautiful. Or the foul ball that doesn't want to be caught so it hides under empty seats and people are looking for it and they end up not even watching the game anymore. Then some guy walking back with his hot dog happens to stumble upon it. There are a lot of ways to catch a foul ball but just remember if a ball is coming to you catch the fucking ball, you douche.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
April fools
I went onto Omegle and played some awesome april fool pranks.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!Too lazy to bold.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
Stranger: 26/m
You: hi
You: i'm eating soup
Stranger: yummy
You: APRIL FOOLS
You: HAAHAHAHAHAHAAH
Stranger: dang
You have disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You have disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Hey whats up
Stranger: not much...
Stranger: u?
You: i'm not doing anything
You: APRIL FOOLS
You: i am doing something
You: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Stranger: that was yesterday....
You: not in my timezone, punk.
Stranger: ah yeah forgot
You: geez
You: you think
You: your country is the only one out there?
Stranger: its almost 3am here
You: you england people, i tell ya.
Stranger: xD how did you know?
You: lol I know the timezones.
You have disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: HEY
Stranger: m/f
Stranger: ?
You: i'm a female
You: april fools!!!!
You: i'm a male hahahahaha
Stranger: haha u got me there
You: I SO DID
Stranger: i'm a kumquat
Stranger: APRIL FOOLS i'm a female
Stranger: did i trick u?
You: HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
You: you not only tricked me
You: you fooled me
You: HAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
Stranger: hahaha
Stranger: good one!
Stranger: have u seen google?
Stranger: it's topeka now
You: topeka kansas?
Stranger: go to google.com and ull see
You: okay hold on
You: lol april fools huh?
You: they're strange
Stranger: i know
Stranger: but they're strange and rich
Stranger: so it doesn't really count
You: most rich people are strange
Stranger: sure but nobody ever goes "hey, bill gates, he's pretty strange!"
Stranger: anyway.
You: i heard he wears panties
Stranger: Haha!
Stranger: Really?
You: no april fools
You: HAHAHAAHAHAHAH
Stranger: Bwahahahaha that's the funniest thing I've heard all day!
Stranger: i believe it
You: He's probably watching
You have disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hey
You: how are you doing?
Stranger: fine thanks
Stranger: you
You: i'm doing fine
You: APRIL FOOLS
You: i'm depressed and miserable
You: AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA.
You have disconnected.
You have disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: Yo' I am Thomas Jefferson
You: APRIL FOOLS
You: AHHAAHAHAHAHA
You: that'd be impossible
You: i so got you.
You: got you good.
Stranger: yeah,real good.
You: i know it
Stranger: hes dead you idot.
You: lol i know!
You: thats why its impossible
You: HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA
You: i so april fooled you
You: man.
You: so funny.
Stranger: yeah
You: hey
You: i'm sorry :[
Stranger: why?
You: for fooling you
Stranger: you didnt fool me
You: are you sure?
You: cause i don't want to hurt your feelings :[
You: it was just a joke
You have disconnected.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Fortune cookies
I know this is a baseball blog, and everything. But since the season is about to start, and it'll be baseball 24/7 for then on till the end of the season. I thought I'd do a blog about something off topic, and well I was watching a show and it taught me how fortune cookies were made. Turns out the paper is put inside an un-folded fortune cookie then it goes on this conveyor belt type thing and mechanical fingers/claws fold it. This totally bummed me out because I have always had this image of 50 tiny little midgets on a tiny little desk folding fortune cookies with their tiny little hands one by one. Then they'd take their tiny little breaks and drink their tiny little drinks. Then go back to their tiny little jobs. Then they clock out and cash their tiny little paychecks, so they can pay off their tiny little cars. But no it turns out a fucking machine does it. Speaking of midgets though did you know the first midget was named Rosco. He was a corn farmer in Nebraska! Then one day he went out into the corn fields, and he got lost in the corn field, and never found his way back out. Ever since then midgets aren't allowed in corn fields. I love midgets they're kind of like an endangered species. We need to make sure they have food, and water.
Anyways. That's baseball for you.
Anyways. That's baseball for you.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Homeruns: Why are they called homeruns?
For many years now hitting the ball (the baseball) in fair territory over the fence is called a homerun. But why? Who came up with it, and why? I guess I get the run. You at least get a run out of it, maybe more. But the thing that has always bothered me is what if you are the away team? How would it be called a homerun? You are not at home, so it can't be a homerun. It can be an awayrun, but not a homerun. Has no one picked up on this? I mean it's ridiculous and a glaring error in this great game of baseball.
For instance I was watching a baseball game with my friends last season, and I said "Woo awayrun" and they looked at me like I was the stupid one, I mean really? I am the stupid one, but you can't even figure out who is the home, and away team. Don't play ballsnap with me I am not a block of spaghetti. I am not stupid enough to not know that awayrun sounds stupid. But homerun sounds even stupider! We need to come up with a different name for it all together where it is not subject to home, and away. I suggest quader. Then you'd have a single, double, triple, and quader. What is wrong with that? NOTHING! People are just set in old ways. Homerun makes no sense at all when they away team hits it. I for now on am calling balls (baseballs) that go over the fence in fair territory quaders, and I hope you join me.
That's baseball for you.
For instance I was watching a baseball game with my friends last season, and I said "Woo awayrun" and they looked at me like I was the stupid one, I mean really? I am the stupid one, but you can't even figure out who is the home, and away team. Don't play ballsnap with me I am not a block of spaghetti. I am not stupid enough to not know that awayrun sounds stupid. But homerun sounds even stupider! We need to come up with a different name for it all together where it is not subject to home, and away. I suggest quader. Then you'd have a single, double, triple, and quader. What is wrong with that? NOTHING! People are just set in old ways. Homerun makes no sense at all when they away team hits it. I for now on am calling balls (baseballs) that go over the fence in fair territory quaders, and I hope you join me.
That's baseball for you.
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Texas Rangers on an 11 game winning streak
Yeah so my predictions aren't looking so good. The Texas Rangers are on freaking fire they've won 11 straight games. If you're counting at home that is 11. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11. I couldn't count to 11 till I was 11. I wouldn't say I was dropped on the head as a child as I was banged repeatedly. My parents always said they were just trying to get the ants off, but I never felt any bites. Maybe cause they were getting them off. Any event the rangers are on fire. Hamilton is on fire. Have you noticed that if you say someone is on fire everyone thinks you mean it in a good way? What if your friend really was on fire and you were like "JOHN IS ON FIRE GUYS JOHN HE'S ON FUCKING FIRE!" and they just sit there "Yeah he's a cool dude. Why is he on fire though?" then it keeps going on and on. Dangerous trends going on in the world right now, but what can you do? Make a stupid song about it then get on American Idol, and become the spokesperson for the anti pant sagging group? Thats not going to change much.
What was this about again? Oh yeah the rangers winning 11 straight. Their second longest streak in club history. The best was 14 back in 1991. So if the Texas Rangers can sweep the Astros then wee would tie the record. Then they had out to the Angels ballpark, and try to survive with a Feldman/Harrison combo for the first two games. I have a feeling the losing streak will end there, or sunday's game against the Astros. Either way it's been a lot of fun watching it. I love Jim Knox's segments they really keep the game moving. Also I put a stat counter on this blog to see how many people visit it and I haven't checked in a week or so. Last time i checked it was about 14 people a day. Which is about how many people you'd find in a mcdonalds during lunch time. I have about an average of 7-8 people of day and just over 100 people over all.
That is way more than I expected. The truth is I don't do it for the hits because I wouldn't be getting hit often. I do it for the joy of bringing knowledge to those smart enough to listen. You can't find this quality stuff anywhere else, and I am perfectly fine with not a lot of people knowing about it because if they did. There would be way too many smart people walking around, and then there will be more competition to get on Jeporady which I really want to be on, and not just cause Alex's last name reminds of Star Trek. I don't think I'd win on Jeporady, but I just want to make it because if you make it on then people think you're smart. I'm tired and I'm falling asleep. So I'm going to bed.
What was this about again? Oh yeah the rangers winning 11 straight. Their second longest streak in club history. The best was 14 back in 1991. So if the Texas Rangers can sweep the Astros then wee would tie the record. Then they had out to the Angels ballpark, and try to survive with a Feldman/Harrison combo for the first two games. I have a feeling the losing streak will end there, or sunday's game against the Astros. Either way it's been a lot of fun watching it. I love Jim Knox's segments they really keep the game moving. Also I put a stat counter on this blog to see how many people visit it and I haven't checked in a week or so. Last time i checked it was about 14 people a day. Which is about how many people you'd find in a mcdonalds during lunch time. I have about an average of 7-8 people of day and just over 100 people over all.
That is way more than I expected. The truth is I don't do it for the hits because I wouldn't be getting hit often. I do it for the joy of bringing knowledge to those smart enough to listen. You can't find this quality stuff anywhere else, and I am perfectly fine with not a lot of people knowing about it because if they did. There would be way too many smart people walking around, and then there will be more competition to get on Jeporady which I really want to be on, and not just cause Alex's last name reminds of Star Trek. I don't think I'd win on Jeporady, but I just want to make it because if you make it on then people think you're smart. I'm tired and I'm falling asleep. So I'm going to bed.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
We are the Rangers
We are the rangers we win when we want to
We are the rangers we win and wear blue
when we want to
Sometimes we wear red and white
And sometimes grey and we fly it high like a kite
When things get tough we start to falter
We get more ass than Taylor Launter
We score runs if we feel like it
That's usually dependent on whether or not a lefty is on the mound
And speaking of mounds we pound more mound than a greyhound
We pitch like we mean it
And when we mess up we say shit
Not cussing is for pussies
Don't talk back to us
We tough we cuss
We are the rangers
And when we creeping we are the strangers
We got heaters and bombs
We stir more pots than stay at home moms
We can be sexist if we want
And we're not afraid of bunts
We bunt whenever we feel like it
And we'll grab a tit
Cause when we roll
We rock
And when we roll
We troll
And when we troll
We're the beesknees
We'll infest your sheets with fleas
You want to fuck with our manager
We stay together so we'll protect him when he cries
And we'll be the shield that protects his eyes
We'll get your mom to bake him pies
Then we won't even eat them
We'll just stare at them
Because your mom can't bake
The only thing her food is good for is a spittake
We are the rangers
We are the rangers we win and wear blue
when we want to
Sometimes we wear red and white
And sometimes grey and we fly it high like a kite
When things get tough we start to falter
We get more ass than Taylor Launter
We score runs if we feel like it
That's usually dependent on whether or not a lefty is on the mound
And speaking of mounds we pound more mound than a greyhound
We pitch like we mean it
And when we mess up we say shit
Not cussing is for pussies
Don't talk back to us
We tough we cuss
We are the rangers
And when we creeping we are the strangers
We got heaters and bombs
We stir more pots than stay at home moms
We can be sexist if we want
And we're not afraid of bunts
We bunt whenever we feel like it
And we'll grab a tit
Cause when we roll
We rock
And when we roll
We troll
And when we troll
We're the beesknees
We'll infest your sheets with fleas
You want to fuck with our manager
We stay together so we'll protect him when he cries
And we'll be the shield that protects his eyes
We'll get your mom to bake him pies
Then we won't even eat them
We'll just stare at them
Because your mom can't bake
The only thing her food is good for is a spittake
We are the rangers
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Jim Joyce a hero
Jim Joyce missed a call that messed up a perfect game. If you're a baseball fan and own any type of device that gets news to it then you know all about it. People are hating him and saying he needs to be fired, or have fireworks stuck up his ass while he takes a shit. This man should not be hated, though. This man is a fucking hero. By being completely clueless of the call he made a stance against dreams everywhere. This man is putting realistic thoughts in kids, and that's a fucking prize in itself. Kids see all these perfect games being thrown and they'll get some idea that they can do it too. No you can't. No you can't fucking Johnny you suck at baseball, and you gave up a homerun to the kid who only plays cause his mom is fucking the coach. Stick with a real fucking career Johnny. Your dad is a trashman there is nothing wrong with that. You may want to be more, but the truth is you'll be lucky to be a fucking trashman. Stop chasing dreams, and start chasing that blue collar.
Jim Joyce tried to put a hold on this fucking dream shit, and change. Fuck dreams you know what i wanted to be as a kid? A fucking stripper. I can't be a fucking stripper. The only pack on my stomach is the ice pack I put on there after doing 7 crunches. My dick is fairly long, but not long enough to fill out one of those thongs that they wear. And my dancing is like a 7 year old on his birthday after he has had too much cake, and shit his pants no one knows though. So he just goes around twisting and picking his ass. I'm not gonna be a stripper. Now I'm stuck writing on this fucking blog about baseball. This pays for nothing. You know how much strippers make? Yeah me neither cause I'M NOT A FUCKING STRIPPER! STOP WITH THE CHANGE, AND DREAMS SHIT. JIM JOYCE WANTED TO BE RAY CHARLES WHEN HE GREW UP, BUT HE CAN'T PLAY THE FUCKING PIANO! So now he's an umpire. You think he likes being an umpire? Fuck no. Listen to him.
No more dreams. Reality owns.
Jim Joyce tried to put a hold on this fucking dream shit, and change. Fuck dreams you know what i wanted to be as a kid? A fucking stripper. I can't be a fucking stripper. The only pack on my stomach is the ice pack I put on there after doing 7 crunches. My dick is fairly long, but not long enough to fill out one of those thongs that they wear. And my dancing is like a 7 year old on his birthday after he has had too much cake, and shit his pants no one knows though. So he just goes around twisting and picking his ass. I'm not gonna be a stripper. Now I'm stuck writing on this fucking blog about baseball. This pays for nothing. You know how much strippers make? Yeah me neither cause I'M NOT A FUCKING STRIPPER! STOP WITH THE CHANGE, AND DREAMS SHIT. JIM JOYCE WANTED TO BE RAY CHARLES WHEN HE GREW UP, BUT HE CAN'T PLAY THE FUCKING PIANO! So now he's an umpire. You think he likes being an umpire? Fuck no. Listen to him.
No more dreams. Reality owns.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
The art of catching a foul ball
When you go to a ball game you go to watch a game obviously, but you also go in hopes that you will catch a foul ball or if you're lucky and have cheap seats out in the bleachers you hope to catch a homerun ball. Poor people need balls too they're an important part of society who would cook those dollar hot dogs you eat. Anyways though when you catch a foul ball there is an art to it sometimes its the high priced art that snobby rich people have that no one gets and it's ugly, but it still looks good somehow in your living room. Maybe the big ass tv screen just makes the whole room seem nice in any event these are called ugly catches. They consist of drunk guys going after a ball and hitting kids spilling beer on women who are still trying to figure out what sport they're watching and then when the drunk guy gets the ball he looks for the camera, but he doesn't know where to look so it looks like he is getting chased by bees. Yeah that's an ugly foul ball catch, but still it's beautiful to that drunk dude. There is also the ugly foul ball catch that consists of the guy who looks like he should be able to catch a ball but apparently has never touched balls that weren't attached to him. He fumbles it around like Tony Romo in the playoffs and ends up trying to find the ball under the seats, and gets a wiff of some nasty trailer trash crotch.
Then there is the beautiful foul ball catch and that is of course the one that is caught on the fly or by a kid with a glove. But I look for the different kind of beauitful the one where it goes into the stands bounces off the second deck and lands on someone in the lower deck. Beautiful. Or the foul ball that doesn't want to be caught so it hides under empty seats and people are looking for it and they end up not even watching the game anymore. Then some guy walking back with his hot dog happens to stumble upon it. There are a lot of ways to catch a foul ball but just remember if a ball is coming to you catch the fucking ball, you douche.
Then there is the beautiful foul ball catch and that is of course the one that is caught on the fly or by a kid with a glove. But I look for the different kind of beauitful the one where it goes into the stands bounces off the second deck and lands on someone in the lower deck. Beautiful. Or the foul ball that doesn't want to be caught so it hides under empty seats and people are looking for it and they end up not even watching the game anymore. Then some guy walking back with his hot dog happens to stumble upon it. There are a lot of ways to catch a foul ball but just remember if a ball is coming to you catch the fucking ball, you douche.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
April fools
I went onto Omegle and played some awesome april fool pranks.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!Too lazy to bold.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
Stranger: 26/m
You: hi
You: i'm eating soup
Stranger: yummy
You: APRIL FOOLS
You: HAAHAHAHAHAHAAH
Stranger: dang
You have disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You have disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Hey whats up
Stranger: not much...
Stranger: u?
You: i'm not doing anything
You: APRIL FOOLS
You: i am doing something
You: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Stranger: that was yesterday....
You: not in my timezone, punk.
Stranger: ah yeah forgot
You: geez
You: you think
You: your country is the only one out there?
Stranger: its almost 3am here
You: you england people, i tell ya.
Stranger: xD how did you know?
You: lol I know the timezones.
You have disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: HEY
Stranger: m/f
Stranger: ?
You: i'm a female
You: april fools!!!!
You: i'm a male hahahahaha
Stranger: haha u got me there
You: I SO DID
Stranger: i'm a kumquat
Stranger: APRIL FOOLS i'm a female
Stranger: did i trick u?
You: HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
You: you not only tricked me
You: you fooled me
You: HAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
Stranger: hahaha
Stranger: good one!
Stranger: have u seen google?
Stranger: it's topeka now
You: topeka kansas?
Stranger: go to google.com and ull see
You: okay hold on
You: lol april fools huh?
You: they're strange
Stranger: i know
Stranger: but they're strange and rich
Stranger: so it doesn't really count
You: most rich people are strange
Stranger: sure but nobody ever goes "hey, bill gates, he's pretty strange!"
Stranger: anyway.
You: i heard he wears panties
Stranger: Haha!
Stranger: Really?
You: no april fools
You: HAHAHAAHAHAHAH
Stranger: Bwahahahaha that's the funniest thing I've heard all day!
Stranger: i believe it
You: He's probably watching
You have disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hey
You: how are you doing?
Stranger: fine thanks
Stranger: you
You: i'm doing fine
You: APRIL FOOLS
You: i'm depressed and miserable
You: AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA.
You have disconnected.
You have disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: Yo' I am Thomas Jefferson
You: APRIL FOOLS
You: AHHAAHAHAHAHA
You: that'd be impossible
You: i so got you.
You: got you good.
Stranger: yeah,real good.
You: i know it
Stranger: hes dead you idot.
You: lol i know!
You: thats why its impossible
You: HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA
You: i so april fooled you
You: man.
You: so funny.
Stranger: yeah
You: hey
You: i'm sorry :[
Stranger: why?
You: for fooling you
Stranger: you didnt fool me
You: are you sure?
You: cause i don't want to hurt your feelings :[
You: it was just a joke
You have disconnected.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Fortune cookies
I know this is a baseball blog, and everything. But since the season is about to start, and it'll be baseball 24/7 for then on till the end of the season. I thought I'd do a blog about something off topic, and well I was watching a show and it taught me how fortune cookies were made. Turns out the paper is put inside an un-folded fortune cookie then it goes on this conveyor belt type thing and mechanical fingers/claws fold it. This totally bummed me out because I have always had this image of 50 tiny little midgets on a tiny little desk folding fortune cookies with their tiny little hands one by one. Then they'd take their tiny little breaks and drink their tiny little drinks. Then go back to their tiny little jobs. Then they clock out and cash their tiny little paychecks, so they can pay off their tiny little cars. But no it turns out a fucking machine does it. Speaking of midgets though did you know the first midget was named Rosco. He was a corn farmer in Nebraska! Then one day he went out into the corn fields, and he got lost in the corn field, and never found his way back out. Ever since then midgets aren't allowed in corn fields. I love midgets they're kind of like an endangered species. We need to make sure they have food, and water.
Anyways. That's baseball for you.
Anyways. That's baseball for you.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Homeruns: Why are they called homeruns?
For many years now hitting the ball (the baseball) in fair territory over the fence is called a homerun. But why? Who came up with it, and why? I guess I get the run. You at least get a run out of it, maybe more. But the thing that has always bothered me is what if you are the away team? How would it be called a homerun? You are not at home, so it can't be a homerun. It can be an awayrun, but not a homerun. Has no one picked up on this? I mean it's ridiculous and a glaring error in this great game of baseball.
For instance I was watching a baseball game with my friends last season, and I said "Woo awayrun" and they looked at me like I was the stupid one, I mean really? I am the stupid one, but you can't even figure out who is the home, and away team. Don't play ballsnap with me I am not a block of spaghetti. I am not stupid enough to not know that awayrun sounds stupid. But homerun sounds even stupider! We need to come up with a different name for it all together where it is not subject to home, and away. I suggest quader. Then you'd have a single, double, triple, and quader. What is wrong with that? NOTHING! People are just set in old ways. Homerun makes no sense at all when they away team hits it. I for now on am calling balls (baseballs) that go over the fence in fair territory quaders, and I hope you join me.
That's baseball for you.
For instance I was watching a baseball game with my friends last season, and I said "Woo awayrun" and they looked at me like I was the stupid one, I mean really? I am the stupid one, but you can't even figure out who is the home, and away team. Don't play ballsnap with me I am not a block of spaghetti. I am not stupid enough to not know that awayrun sounds stupid. But homerun sounds even stupider! We need to come up with a different name for it all together where it is not subject to home, and away. I suggest quader. Then you'd have a single, double, triple, and quader. What is wrong with that? NOTHING! People are just set in old ways. Homerun makes no sense at all when they away team hits it. I for now on am calling balls (baseballs) that go over the fence in fair territory quaders, and I hope you join me.
That's baseball for you.
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Texas Rangers on an 11 game winning streak
Yeah so my predictions aren't looking so good. The Texas Rangers are on freaking fire they've won 11 straight games. If you're counting at home that is 11. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11. I couldn't count to 11 till I was 11. I wouldn't say I was dropped on the head as a child as I was banged repeatedly. My parents always said they were just trying to get the ants off, but I never felt any bites. Maybe cause they were getting them off. Any event the rangers are on fire. Hamilton is on fire. Have you noticed that if you say someone is on fire everyone thinks you mean it in a good way? What if your friend really was on fire and you were like "JOHN IS ON FIRE GUYS JOHN HE'S ON FUCKING FIRE!" and they just sit there "Yeah he's a cool dude. Why is he on fire though?" then it keeps going on and on. Dangerous trends going on in the world right now, but what can you do? Make a stupid song about it then get on American Idol, and become the spokesperson for the anti pant sagging group? Thats not going to change much.
What was this about again? Oh yeah the rangers winning 11 straight. Their second longest streak in club history. The best was 14 back in 1991. So if the Texas Rangers can sweep the Astros then wee would tie the record. Then they had out to the Angels ballpark, and try to survive with a Feldman/Harrison combo for the first two games. I have a feeling the losing streak will end there, or sunday's game against the Astros. Either way it's been a lot of fun watching it. I love Jim Knox's segments they really keep the game moving. Also I put a stat counter on this blog to see how many people visit it and I haven't checked in a week or so. Last time i checked it was about 14 people a day. Which is about how many people you'd find in a mcdonalds during lunch time. I have about an average of 7-8 people of day and just over 100 people over all.
That is way more than I expected. The truth is I don't do it for the hits because I wouldn't be getting hit often. I do it for the joy of bringing knowledge to those smart enough to listen. You can't find this quality stuff anywhere else, and I am perfectly fine with not a lot of people knowing about it because if they did. There would be way too many smart people walking around, and then there will be more competition to get on Jeporady which I really want to be on, and not just cause Alex's last name reminds of Star Trek. I don't think I'd win on Jeporady, but I just want to make it because if you make it on then people think you're smart. I'm tired and I'm falling asleep. So I'm going to bed.
What was this about again? Oh yeah the rangers winning 11 straight. Their second longest streak in club history. The best was 14 back in 1991. So if the Texas Rangers can sweep the Astros then wee would tie the record. Then they had out to the Angels ballpark, and try to survive with a Feldman/Harrison combo for the first two games. I have a feeling the losing streak will end there, or sunday's game against the Astros. Either way it's been a lot of fun watching it. I love Jim Knox's segments they really keep the game moving. Also I put a stat counter on this blog to see how many people visit it and I haven't checked in a week or so. Last time i checked it was about 14 people a day. Which is about how many people you'd find in a mcdonalds during lunch time. I have about an average of 7-8 people of day and just over 100 people over all.
That is way more than I expected. The truth is I don't do it for the hits because I wouldn't be getting hit often. I do it for the joy of bringing knowledge to those smart enough to listen. You can't find this quality stuff anywhere else, and I am perfectly fine with not a lot of people knowing about it because if they did. There would be way too many smart people walking around, and then there will be more competition to get on Jeporady which I really want to be on, and not just cause Alex's last name reminds of Star Trek. I don't think I'd win on Jeporady, but I just want to make it because if you make it on then people think you're smart. I'm tired and I'm falling asleep. So I'm going to bed.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
We are the Rangers
We are the rangers we win when we want to
We are the rangers we win and wear blue
when we want to
Sometimes we wear red and white
And sometimes grey and we fly it high like a kite
When things get tough we start to falter
We get more ass than Taylor Launter
We score runs if we feel like it
That's usually dependent on whether or not a lefty is on the mound
And speaking of mounds we pound more mound than a greyhound
We pitch like we mean it
And when we mess up we say shit
Not cussing is for pussies
Don't talk back to us
We tough we cuss
We are the rangers
And when we creeping we are the strangers
We got heaters and bombs
We stir more pots than stay at home moms
We can be sexist if we want
And we're not afraid of bunts
We bunt whenever we feel like it
And we'll grab a tit
Cause when we roll
We rock
And when we roll
We troll
And when we troll
We're the beesknees
We'll infest your sheets with fleas
You want to fuck with our manager
We stay together so we'll protect him when he cries
And we'll be the shield that protects his eyes
We'll get your mom to bake him pies
Then we won't even eat them
We'll just stare at them
Because your mom can't bake
The only thing her food is good for is a spittake
We are the rangers
We are the rangers we win and wear blue
when we want to
Sometimes we wear red and white
And sometimes grey and we fly it high like a kite
When things get tough we start to falter
We get more ass than Taylor Launter
We score runs if we feel like it
That's usually dependent on whether or not a lefty is on the mound
And speaking of mounds we pound more mound than a greyhound
We pitch like we mean it
And when we mess up we say shit
Not cussing is for pussies
Don't talk back to us
We tough we cuss
We are the rangers
And when we creeping we are the strangers
We got heaters and bombs
We stir more pots than stay at home moms
We can be sexist if we want
And we're not afraid of bunts
We bunt whenever we feel like it
And we'll grab a tit
Cause when we roll
We rock
And when we roll
We troll
And when we troll
We're the beesknees
We'll infest your sheets with fleas
You want to fuck with our manager
We stay together so we'll protect him when he cries
And we'll be the shield that protects his eyes
We'll get your mom to bake him pies
Then we won't even eat them
We'll just stare at them
Because your mom can't bake
The only thing her food is good for is a spittake
We are the rangers
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Jim Joyce a hero
Jim Joyce missed a call that messed up a perfect game. If you're a baseball fan and own any type of device that gets news to it then you know all about it. People are hating him and saying he needs to be fired, or have fireworks stuck up his ass while he takes a shit. This man should not be hated, though. This man is a fucking hero. By being completely clueless of the call he made a stance against dreams everywhere. This man is putting realistic thoughts in kids, and that's a fucking prize in itself. Kids see all these perfect games being thrown and they'll get some idea that they can do it too. No you can't. No you can't fucking Johnny you suck at baseball, and you gave up a homerun to the kid who only plays cause his mom is fucking the coach. Stick with a real fucking career Johnny. Your dad is a trashman there is nothing wrong with that. You may want to be more, but the truth is you'll be lucky to be a fucking trashman. Stop chasing dreams, and start chasing that blue collar.
Jim Joyce tried to put a hold on this fucking dream shit, and change. Fuck dreams you know what i wanted to be as a kid? A fucking stripper. I can't be a fucking stripper. The only pack on my stomach is the ice pack I put on there after doing 7 crunches. My dick is fairly long, but not long enough to fill out one of those thongs that they wear. And my dancing is like a 7 year old on his birthday after he has had too much cake, and shit his pants no one knows though. So he just goes around twisting and picking his ass. I'm not gonna be a stripper. Now I'm stuck writing on this fucking blog about baseball. This pays for nothing. You know how much strippers make? Yeah me neither cause I'M NOT A FUCKING STRIPPER! STOP WITH THE CHANGE, AND DREAMS SHIT. JIM JOYCE WANTED TO BE RAY CHARLES WHEN HE GREW UP, BUT HE CAN'T PLAY THE FUCKING PIANO! So now he's an umpire. You think he likes being an umpire? Fuck no. Listen to him.
No more dreams. Reality owns.
Jim Joyce tried to put a hold on this fucking dream shit, and change. Fuck dreams you know what i wanted to be as a kid? A fucking stripper. I can't be a fucking stripper. The only pack on my stomach is the ice pack I put on there after doing 7 crunches. My dick is fairly long, but not long enough to fill out one of those thongs that they wear. And my dancing is like a 7 year old on his birthday after he has had too much cake, and shit his pants no one knows though. So he just goes around twisting and picking his ass. I'm not gonna be a stripper. Now I'm stuck writing on this fucking blog about baseball. This pays for nothing. You know how much strippers make? Yeah me neither cause I'M NOT A FUCKING STRIPPER! STOP WITH THE CHANGE, AND DREAMS SHIT. JIM JOYCE WANTED TO BE RAY CHARLES WHEN HE GREW UP, BUT HE CAN'T PLAY THE FUCKING PIANO! So now he's an umpire. You think he likes being an umpire? Fuck no. Listen to him.
No more dreams. Reality owns.
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