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Saturday, September 25, 2010

Texas Rangers AL West Champs!

Sometimes you get excited because someone in your family is having a baby, or maybe you're finally in love with someone. Maybe you got a new job. The point is you're excited and today all Ranger fans are having a baby, falling in love, and they got a new job. We have been unemployed for 11 years now and we've been miserable, single, no money, and no family. Today we have it all back, we can go buy clothes now and tell people what it's like to fall in love. Now people who aren't attached to a team like most of us are will not understand this. They may be asking themselves "How did they go so long without a job?" well a lot of faith is the answer. Faith in our team. Faith that they would one day pick up the greensheet and find a job. Finally we got hired. I was younger back in 1999 so I didn't fully appreciate what was going on. I liked the Rangers then, but I also liked riding my bike and playing truth or dare, chewing an insane amount of gum, and wondering if Chelsea really did like me or if my friends were pulling my leg. Now I'm addicted to the Rangers. I can fully appreciate it now and it is amazing.

I think the thing that was most amazing was Michael Young after the last out. You could tell that he was genuinely happy and glad he stuck with the Rangers so long. This is his team and he is leading his team into the playoffs for the first time. The times of first round sweeps in the playoffs are gone. We have ourselves a new job and it pays well.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

A conversation with Alfonzo Marquez

Me: Thanks for taking the time out to do this interview, Alfonzo.

Alfonzo: You're welcome. By the way you have a nice cat.

Me: I don't have a cat.

Alfonzo: Oh sorry. I saw it out of the corner of my eye. Thought it was a cat, but it was a dog.

Me: Oh that's okay. So I wanted to talk to you about the play that ended the game today. Did you see it happen?

Alfonzo: Yeah, out of the corner of my eye.

Me: Do you often find that things you see out of the corner of your eye should end a baseball game?

Alfonzo: Yeah, I never miss something out of the corner of my eye. I have 20-20 corner of the eye vision.

Me: So what did you see?

Alfonzo: I saw Anderson grab Young by the waist, and basically push him onto the bag. It was ridiculous how they thought they could get away with that. I mean they think I'm stupid? No. I'll catch that even if I'm not looking at them.

Me: Have you looked at the replay?

Alfonzo: No, my corner of the eye vision has been proven to be more accurate than a replay. Things on video can be altered.

Me: Right, right.

Alfonzo: Did you see that?

Me: What?

Alfonzo: Exactly. Out of the corner of my eye I saw your dog grab your sunglasses from the ground. You didn't even see it.

Me: I don't own sunglasses. That was his raw-hide.

Alfonzo: Did you see him grab it, though?

Me: No, I'm afraid I didn't.

Alfonzo: Then, shutup.

Me: So what did Young say to you?

Alfonzo: He told me all the things my wife tells me. "You're stupid" "You can't see" "Fuck you motherfucker" "I hate you"

Me: What did you tell him?

Alfonzo: That he doesn't have 20-20 corner eye vision.

Me: Do you enjoy dr. pepper?

Alfonzo: Yes.