A conversation with Alfonzo Marquez

Me: Thanks for taking the time out to do this interview, Alfonzo.

Alfonzo: You're welcome. By the way you have a nice cat.

Me: I don't have a cat.

Alfonzo: Oh sorry. I saw it out of the corner of my eye. Thought it was a cat, but it was a dog.

Me: Oh that's okay. So I wanted to talk to you about the play that ended the game today. Did you see it happen?

Alfonzo: Yeah, out of the corner of my eye.

Me: Do you often find that things you see out of the corner of your eye should end a baseball game?

Alfonzo: Yeah, I never miss something out of the corner of my eye. I have 20-20 corner of the eye vision.

Me: So what did you see?

Alfonzo: I saw Anderson grab Young by the waist, and basically push him onto the bag. It was ridiculous how they thought they could get away with that. I mean they think I'm stupid? No. I'll catch that even if I'm not looking at them.

Me: Have you looked at the replay?

Alfonzo: No, my corner of the eye vision has been proven to be more accurate than a replay. Things on video can be altered.

Me: Right, right.

Alfonzo: Did you see that?

Me: What?

Alfonzo: Exactly. Out of the corner of my eye I saw your dog grab your sunglasses from the ground. You didn't even see it.

Me: I don't own sunglasses. That was his raw-hide.

Alfonzo: Did you see him grab it, though?

Me: No, I'm afraid I didn't.

Alfonzo: Then, shutup.

Me: So what did Young say to you?

Alfonzo: He told me all the things my wife tells me. "You're stupid" "You can't see" "Fuck you motherfucker" "I hate you"

Me: What did you tell him?

Alfonzo: That he doesn't have 20-20 corner eye vision.

Me: Do you enjoy dr. pepper?

Alfonzo: Yes.