Randy Galloway

Roses are red and violets are blue
No one is better at spewing shit than you
You watch a few playoff baseball games and consider yourself an expert
But we all know where your heart lies with the big star on your sweatshirt
You are actually a sports writer, how did you get so lucky?
When the stuff you write is so sucky.

Violets are blue and roses are red
My mind still can’t get over the insane stuff you said
Reading your articles is such a beating
Hating on our star pitcher
But do you remember what he did all season?
No you probably don’t since you didn’t watch
You were prepping for Cowboy season and drinking scotch
I don’t care what you have to say
Fuck off, Randy Galloway.

Baseball is back!

We have survived the long harsh winter and now it's time for some baseball. I love the winter and the cold, the snow and even the ice. Winter would be my favorite season if it wasn't for one thing and that one thing? There is no baseball. Every winter I'm just stuck waiting for the Rangers to start playing again. Every year I go through this period where I think "Maybe I won't be so addicted this season." And every year that never comes true, in fact my love for the game just intensifies.

Last year my predictions failed miserably. The rangers went all the way to the World Series, I believe I had them finishing last. This year is no different. The rangers will finish last and I expect Seattle to make a strong push into first place leaving everyone in a coffee like dust. I'm a ranger fan, but I'm also realistic and I just don't think anyone can get past Seattle. I'll still watch every game, and I'll still go out and support the Rangers, but I'll do it with a closed mind. A closed heart, knowing no one can stop the train of Seattle, not even Denzel Washington. So I'd like to take this time to congratulate Seattle and to say to Ranger fans DO NOT be discouraged. We'll get back to the World Series one day, let Seattle have their fun. The price of gold is way up and King Felix has a shit load of it.

Saddle up everyone...it's gonna be a long season.

Rangers win first playoff series

I'm not the oldest Ranger fan. I haven't been alive for as long as most but that doesn't make me any less of a fan. Anyone who knows me somewhat well knows how big of a ranger fan I am. If they want to ask a question involving the Rangers, they'll come to me. When I was 12 and everyone wanted to watch football. I'd go to Ranger games and sit in the bleachers, because I was poor. It didn't make it any less fun, though. One of my best memories as a kid/teenager was watching them comeback down 10 against Detroit. I was at that game and yeah it didn't seem like we would come back, but we did. Yeah it didn't seem like we would win after losing 2 at home but guess what? WE JUST DID! I've been a Ranger fan ever since I was a baseball fan, which is basically all my life. They never have been good and no one ever really cared about them. No one wanted to talk about the Rangers with me. I knew one day they would be the team I always saw them to be.

The team that makes me scream and jump up for joy. The team that makes me watch 2345678 hours of baseball every damn year. The team that can mess with my mood more than a girlfriend. I knew one day they would be the great team I always thought they were. Finally it's time. Finally people are talking about the Rangers with me, and it just feels so damn good. These guys are amazing. There is not one guy on the team I dislike. Every ranger game I have ever went to, and all the ribbing I have had to take from people for loving the Rangers so much. It's been rewarded. The more I think about the more I want to cry. I know a lot of people will not get having this much love for a sports team. Some people do and it was great celebrating with them on lonestarball.

It's time.

The Rays versus the Rangers

So by this tomorrow the Rangers will likely be either losing or winning in their first playoff game in 11 years. I can't tell you how nervous I am right now, that is why I'm writing I just want something to make me less nervous. I've never experienced this really since I was younger when we first went, but I love the feeling. I love that everyone is talking about us and trying to break down our team, it's a nice change from always being ignored. Yeah we're still kind of being ignored because we play all of our games before fucking 5 pm but what can you do? Well you can win the ALDS and go to the ALCS where you will get primetime. For the rangers season to feel like a success we have to win this series, at least that is how I'm looking at it. Yeah the playoffs are nice, but I mean if you get knocked out in the first round you're only play an extra week of baseball. Plus it would be the fourth time now that the Rangers get knocked out in the first round. We need some success.

What fun is it going to be if we're down 2-0 coming back to Arlington, and we lose? It'll be the most depressing feeling I have felt with this team in a long time. We need to get the stadium hopping, and we need to win the series. Preferably you'd like to do it at home. The stadium would be going nuts and I have a feeling it'd be the craziest atmosphere ever at the ballpark.

We need to win.

A conversation with Alfonzo Marquez

Me: Thanks for taking the time out to do this interview, Alfonzo.

Alfonzo: You're welcome. By the way you have a nice cat.

Me: I don't have a cat.

Alfonzo: Oh sorry. I saw it out of the corner of my eye. Thought it was a cat, but it was a dog.

Me: Oh that's okay. So I wanted to talk to you about the play that ended the game today. Did you see it happen?

Alfonzo: Yeah, out of the corner of my eye.

Me: Do you often find that things you see out of the corner of your eye should end a baseball game?

Alfonzo: Yeah, I never miss something out of the corner of my eye. I have 20-20 corner of the eye vision.

Me: So what did you see?

Alfonzo: I saw Anderson grab Young by the waist, and basically push him onto the bag. It was ridiculous how they thought they could get away with that. I mean they think I'm stupid? No. I'll catch that even if I'm not looking at them.

Me: Have you looked at the replay?

Alfonzo: No, my corner of the eye vision has been proven to be more accurate than a replay. Things on video can be altered.

Me: Right, right.

Alfonzo: Did you see that?

Me: What?

Alfonzo: Exactly. Out of the corner of my eye I saw your dog grab your sunglasses from the ground. You didn't even see it.

Me: I don't own sunglasses. That was his raw-hide.

Alfonzo: Did you see him grab it, though?

Me: No, I'm afraid I didn't.

Alfonzo: Then, shutup.

Me: So what did Young say to you?

Alfonzo: He told me all the things my wife tells me. "You're stupid" "You can't see" "Fuck you motherfucker" "I hate you"

Me: What did you tell him?

Alfonzo: That he doesn't have 20-20 corner eye vision.

Me: Do you enjoy dr. pepper?

Alfonzo: Yes.

Booing Colby Lewis.

On August 29th Colby Lewis had one of his few bad games. He's been a very solid pitcher for the Rangers and has had some terribly luck in his past few starts. He's been stuck at 9 wins for way too long but hasn't seemed to let it get to him. After today's game though the frustration came through and during his postgame interview he mentioned how he didn't appreciate getting booed. He was "disappointed" and thought "our fans were better than that" now the people that were booing him were not right. If they knew anything about the team they would know that he is one of our best pitchers and if anybody should be booed right now it's the lineup as a whole. Let's go further than that. You don't boo a guy going out there doing his best giving the team a chance to win. You don't boo again who wears glasses when he's not pitching looks like an average joe, yet can pitch like a #2 starter. You don't boo that guy, no. You wanna know who you boo?

Boo yourself. Look in the mirror, and boo yourself. This team is in first place by 7.5 games and you wanna boo cause the game you happened to see was a bad one. BOO YOURSELF! Go do it now then come back and talk to me and apologize to Colby. Should Colby had kept his mouth shut? Probably. BUT YOU DON'T BOO A GUY WHO IS GOING OUT THERE GIVING IT HIS ALL YOU JUST DON'T DO IT! I mean come on, guys. Come on. You look at his record and see 9-11 and you probably think he sucks. Don't lie to me, you think he sucks. Well how about you look at real stats and watch the games? How about that, you fat drunk. I bet the kid who was sitting next to you was wondering why your fat self was booing one of the best pitchers on the team. I hope he put nachos on your chair angels in the outfield style. Knowing your fatass though you probably ate them, you sick fat bastard. I bet the only time you stood up during the whole game was so that you could boo him.


Stretch those sausage links you call legs. Walk a little bit. I mean I know rolling up those escalators was tiring for you but maybe you would have lost a few pounds if you took the stairs, you fatty. Go to a gym with a big mirror, and while you're running on the treadmill just boo your fucking self. Boo those pounds off you miserable dip shit.

Cliff Lee don't leave

I am confident in the fact that somehow Cliff Lee will end up reading this very entry to my blog, so I am going to try my best to plead for him to stay with Rangers. I have loved the Rangers forever, and have been obsessed with them forever. I'm the guy who would rather stay at home and watch a game then go out and possibly get laid at a club. Not that I would ever do that because clubs scare the fuck out of me, but you get the point, Cliff. When the Rangers sucked horribly for about 10 years I was still their biggest fan, and even when my friends made fun of me my obsession stayed strong. Besides the Rangers sucking for 10 years straight you know what else happened in those 10 years? They never had a true ace. Never, ever. Never a pitcher of your quality. Sure we're used to a few home runs now and then, but the truth is I'd take a 1-0 game over a 10-7 game any day. Ranger fans haven't been able to truly appreciate a great pitcher in a long awhile, and now we can. I'm appreciating the fuck out of it. I've never seen anything like it as a Ranger fan. Chan Ho Park wasn't even one merry go round. You're fucking Disney Wand. That is world and land combined.


Us Ranger fans we're fawning over you. You're Elvis, and we're your fans who are throwing their underwear on your mound. Please let us enjoy it for more than a few months. You're likable, and not a douche so do the world a favor and stay with the Rangers. The Yankees? Fuck the Yankees. Be different Lee. Be the leader of a team that is taking off, and won't look back for a long time. You'll just be another superstar on the Yankees. You'll be the superstar on the Rangers with a whole bunch of very capable robin's to carry you to the rings that'll be placed on your fingers. I promise to go to as many games as I can. I promise that I'll tell everyone about you, and I promise I'll always truly and enjoy and appreciate it when you pitch. It's a treat. Not just any treat. It's a running down the Ice Cream Truck treat when you're 10 and it's hot outside, and the only thing that you want is something frozen and in the shape of a rocket with bright colors. That's you, Lee. You're the rocket, and we're the fuel.

Let's go to space together.


That's baseball for you.

We are the Rangers

We are the rangers we win when we want to
We are the rangers we win and wear blue
when we want to
Sometimes we wear red and white
And sometimes grey and we fly it high like a kite
When things get tough we start to falter
We get more ass than Taylor Launter
We score runs if we feel like it
That's usually dependent on whether or not a lefty is on the mound
And speaking of mounds we pound more mound than a greyhound

We pitch like we mean it
And when we mess up we say shit
Not cussing is for pussies
Don't talk back to us
We tough we cuss
We are the rangers
And when we creeping we are the strangers
We got heaters and bombs
We stir more pots than stay at home moms
We can be sexist if we want
And we're not afraid of bunts
We bunt whenever we feel like it
And we'll grab a tit
Cause when we roll
We rock
And when we roll
We troll
And when we troll
We're the beesknees
We'll infest your sheets with fleas
You want to fuck with our manager
We stay together so we'll protect him when he cries
And we'll be the shield that protects his eyes
We'll get your mom to bake him pies
Then we won't even eat them
We'll just stare at them
Because your mom can't bake
The only thing her food is good for is a spittake


We are the rangers