I just don't know

At first this blog post was going to be about how I wanted to be a woman but that would have been too short of a post. It is clear why I want to be a woman, so I can play with my boobs, of course. That is the only upside. What else is there? Bleeding and pushing fucking humans out of your body? That is disgusting.

The fact is, I don't know what to write about. I know this is a baseball blog, however I have found when I write about baseball, I lose my excitement for it. Believe it or not it's hard to write about something you love so much, it's why I can never write about masturbating. Writing about nothing is when I always end up with something. Now I am not saying its a good "something" but at least its something. I don't like deadlines either, I mean who would? Just look at the word, "deadline." It is possibly the most boring/frightening word, ever. It starts out with death and ends with a line. How exciting can a line be? I've never met an exciting line in my life.

That is why I don't like having a deadline being put on my passion. Would you want someone to put a deadline on building model airplanes? No. You do it cause you love it, why else would you waste your time building model airplanes?

You may be asking yourself how this post started out about being a woman and ended up being about deadlines. But to me that is the beauty of it. Fuck it. Fuck deadlines. Fuck subjects.

Baseball is back!

We have survived the long harsh winter and now it's time for some baseball. I love the winter and the cold, the snow and even the ice. Winter would be my favorite season if it wasn't for one thing and that one thing? There is no baseball. Every winter I'm just stuck waiting for the Rangers to start playing again. Every year I go through this period where I think "Maybe I won't be so addicted this season." And every year that never comes true, in fact my love for the game just intensifies.

Last year my predictions failed miserably. The rangers went all the way to the World Series, I believe I had them finishing last. This year is no different. The rangers will finish last and I expect Seattle to make a strong push into first place leaving everyone in a coffee like dust. I'm a ranger fan, but I'm also realistic and I just don't think anyone can get past Seattle. I'll still watch every game, and I'll still go out and support the Rangers, but I'll do it with a closed mind. A closed heart, knowing no one can stop the train of Seattle, not even Denzel Washington. So I'd like to take this time to congratulate Seattle and to say to Ranger fans DO NOT be discouraged. We'll get back to the World Series one day, let Seattle have their fun. The price of gold is way up and King Felix has a shit load of it.

Saddle up everyone...it's gonna be a long season.

Cliff Lee is gone

I decided to write a little script of how the Lee, Rangers time together would have played out if it would have been a boy/girl relationship.


Click on the link below to read.

http://freepdfhosting.com/6920ba67bc.pdf

It's time

It's time was the slogan for the 2010 season and I thought it was kind of corny, but it certainly wasn't the worst slogan I've heard. It kind of got me going, I mean it's freaking time. We've waited long enough, some of our prospects are finally up and we added some veterans to help us balance it out. It's time. Let's do it. No more waiting for the playoffs, I want the playoffs now. The playoffs we got in this magical 2010 season and when I say magical I really mean it. That is the only way to describe what we saw this 2010 season, I mean sure I wanted them go to the playoffs this year, but did I expect it? Not so much. They proved me wrong and everyone else wrong this season. Not only did they go to the playoffs, they made it to the freaking World Series. At first the playoffs were just in someway gratifying, and it was "wow maybe I'm not incredible crazy for caring about this team so much" then after we beat the Rays it was just pure joy. What an amazing feeling it is having the team you care so much about make it to the championship. It was so sweet and so much fun to watch this team play this season, it was never boring. At times frustrating but it was never boring and that is because the guys on this team are so much fun to watch, so much. Sure you got the Claw and Antlers but if you know baseball and you play baseball you can tell when someone truly appreciates it. They appreciate it and watching this whole season it makes me appreciate baseball more.


Every playoff game I went to I always took a moment just to soak it in. The first playoff game this year I remember sitting in my seat way way up and just seeing all the towels flying. Now mind you I hate rally towels but it sure was nice to see at the ballpark. I always see them at Philly and to finally see them here with music playing and the crowd being pumped up. It was something I thought I'd never see at the ballpark. Then the night we won the pennant was the best night of my life. I'm so happy I was there and able to share and go crazy with other ranger fans. That night was crazy. It was like my hangover, except with no drugs or alcohol. Also no naked man jumped on me, however a guy without his shirt off gave me a hug and the smell of his funk is just now washing off of me.

So thank you to Washington, who overcame a lot this year. From the Cocaine reports to leading the team to a World Series.

Thanks to Michael Young who hasn't left this franchise and stuck with it through all the terrible times. It's finally paying off.

Thanks to Hamilton for being a Hall of Fame player and Hall of Fame guy.

Thanks to Elvis for being the 2nd best person named Elvis ever.

Thanks to Kinsler and an apology to his helmet that got pounded into the ground quite a bit.

Thanks to Neftali Feliz who throws a fastball that goes faster than my car.

Thanks to Cliff Lee for saving our butt this post-season.

Thanks to C.J. Wilson for backing up his cockiness and turning into a solid number 2 starter.

And Thanks to Josh Lewin who will no longer be announcing the games, but will always be my favorite announcer.

Oh and of course Thank you Nelly and your boomstick.

The Rangers are going to the world series

The day of.



I wake up and rub my tired eyes and try to remember what day it is "Wait today is the day!" I thought. Today is the day I get to go watch the Rangers try to win the pennant! I put on my claw shirt and head out to pick up my tickets, damn do they look pretty. The amount I paid for them doesn't look pretty, but damn do they look pretty. I lean into kiss them, then I think of how many people may have touched them and I settled for a gentle rub. The rest of the day was spent just waiting to leave for the ballpark, in fact I am pretty sure I have about 5-7 text messages and calls I have just completely ignored. My friends and family can understand, though. They know what this might mean to me. The time finally came and I was ready to leave, at what time? About 3:00. I only live about 25 minutes from the ballpark so I get there before they even opened the gates for you to go inside. Of course I wasn't the only one, there is a huge line waiting to get inside at all the entrances. Like a party at the playboy mansion, if you know what I mean. There is a camera crew to my left about to go live and do a report, but luckily the gates open right before and I can sneak in without melting their cameras with my good looks.


Well, I am in here. I'm in the ballpark and I hear we might clinch it. I hear in a few hours that we could be going to the World Series. I take my red pom pom and shake the thing proudly not because I wanted to shake a pom pom, but because I am nervous. I am lucky enough to get tickets where I barely have to move to get whatever I want in the way of hotdogs or drinks. I grab a bottle of water, and I sit in my seat watching the Rangers take batting practice. Look at the clock it's 4:25 and everytime I check the clock the more I regret coming early because I can barely contain myself. Time starts to fly by as do the balls that are soaring through the sky and denting the bleacher seats, because those pansies can't catch a line drive homerun from hamilton. Skip ahead and just as the game starts to be played, it starts to rain. The tarp goes on the field "WHAT?" No it can't rain now. Not now. Not when the Rangers are 27 outs from the world series. Not when I waited all day, check that all my life waiting for them to win the pennant. No worries, though. It stopped! So here we go. The game is being played. Right away I'm on my feet because Elvis is king and he lets it be known as he rips a double into the gap, and scores on Vlad's ground out.


I think to myself how big Elvis has been. How mature he is, he just goes out there and outplays the other team like he's been there before. In reality he has been there before as Ron Washington says "It's just baseball" Elvis has played baseball his whole life and he's good at it. Colby Lewis is also good at it and he proves it to me as he doesn't allow a hit till the 5th inning. The 5th inning is really the only time I feel nervous. People around me are joking as A-Rod scored that the game is over and they're going to leave and beat the traffic. I smiled to myself and cussed them out in my mind and focused on what I have focused on for my whole now and it's baseball. Wouldn't you know it in the bottom of the 5th baseball rewarded me and everyone with the Rangers greatly. The Yankees continue to walk Hamilton, and I had a feeling Vlad would finally get that big hit. I feel it. I think the whole stadium feels it, the stadium is rocking, literally. Bam! There it is a two run double from Vlad. I can't hear anything but loud cheers. It's loud, real loud. I wouldn't cover my ears, though. No way. This is the sweetest sound I have ever heard as my eyes scan the whole stadium seeing everyone just filled with joy. 3-1 and it's starting to feel like we might actually win. Before the stadium even sits down Cruz hits a missile, a fucking happy missile. People aren't ducking away to get away from it. They're flocking to it trying to get their hands on it and if they couldn't, their hands are being spent slapping against each other. The noise is at a 10, the loudest I have ever heard the ballpark.


Skip ahead to the Eighth and Colby Lewis has a 6-1 lead. He's working on a masterpiece of a game, only allowing 3 hits to the "feared" lineup of Jeter, Swisher, A-Rod and all the other overpaid people on the Yankees. He is completely out matching them and just to prove that he's so much better than them he ends his night with a strikeout. The Stadium watches the bottom of the eighth and everyone is on their feet, not because the offense is scoring but because we're all waiting for the top of the ninth. We're all waiting for the Rangers to win the pennant! The top of the ninth is here IT'S MADNESS! Everyone is standing every single strike, every foul ball anything that resembles a strike or a foul ball. Feliz is in throwing gas and strikes more importantly. Strikes out the first batter and the noise goes from 10 to 10.5 and then he gets the second the out and the noise goes from 10.5 to 11. Two outs and one out away from something I have been waiting for my entire life. As A-rod stands in I start to think about all the times I have sat in this ballpark with only 10,000 other people. Cheering on the Rangers even though they weren't the greatest team or even one of the greatest. WAIT! ALL THESE CHEERS HOLY APPLESAUCE A-ROD STRIKES OUT! HE STRIKES OUT! THE RANGERS WIN! THE NOISE IS AT 23456789 PEOPLE ARE JUMPING OFF THE SECOND DECK! Just kidding about the last part. Michael Young comes out of his shell he was a turtle and right now he's a bunny hopping around the field high fiving fans. The noise has went from a 23456789 to a 5432678956789.


I'm in shock. My eyes water and I try to hold in my tears because I don't want the people around me to think I'm weird. Confetti lands on my nose and I don't even want to get it off. I want to stuff it up my nose and keep it there forever, but I don't think that is a good idea so I brush it off. I watch as the ceremonies take place something I've seen on tv with the Mavericks, but nothing I have ever seen in person and not with the team that I hold so close to my heart. The party doesn't end in the ballpark though as I move out of the ballpark people are cheering and chanting "Yankees suck" people are clapping, whistling, and I was high fiving every person that wanted to high five. High fives are back. Cars were honking which I am sure made the Yankees feel right at home. This honking was "HEY I'M SO EXCITED BUT I AM STUCK IN THE CAR AND WELL FUCK I'M GOING TO HONK" not "I NEED TO GET TO MY BORING ASS JOB BUT I'M STUCK IN ALL THIS FUCKING TRAFFIC, MOVE YOUR FUCKING CAR AYE" vuvuzels were being blown, bongos were being played and newspapers were being held up. I still hadn't shed a full tear.

However as I headed to the highway there was a guy holding a t-shirt that read "A-Rod swallows Jeter" and right there I shed a tear as the best night of my life was in full blast.


Thank you Rangers, Thank you.

Rangers win first playoff series

I'm not the oldest Ranger fan. I haven't been alive for as long as most but that doesn't make me any less of a fan. Anyone who knows me somewhat well knows how big of a ranger fan I am. If they want to ask a question involving the Rangers, they'll come to me. When I was 12 and everyone wanted to watch football. I'd go to Ranger games and sit in the bleachers, because I was poor. It didn't make it any less fun, though. One of my best memories as a kid/teenager was watching them comeback down 10 against Detroit. I was at that game and yeah it didn't seem like we would come back, but we did. Yeah it didn't seem like we would win after losing 2 at home but guess what? WE JUST DID! I've been a Ranger fan ever since I was a baseball fan, which is basically all my life. They never have been good and no one ever really cared about them. No one wanted to talk about the Rangers with me. I knew one day they would be the team I always saw them to be.

The team that makes me scream and jump up for joy. The team that makes me watch 2345678 hours of baseball every damn year. The team that can mess with my mood more than a girlfriend. I knew one day they would be the great team I always thought they were. Finally it's time. Finally people are talking about the Rangers with me, and it just feels so damn good. These guys are amazing. There is not one guy on the team I dislike. Every ranger game I have ever went to, and all the ribbing I have had to take from people for loving the Rangers so much. It's been rewarded. The more I think about the more I want to cry. I know a lot of people will not get having this much love for a sports team. Some people do and it was great celebrating with them on lonestarball.

It's time.

The Rays versus the Rangers

So by this tomorrow the Rangers will likely be either losing or winning in their first playoff game in 11 years. I can't tell you how nervous I am right now, that is why I'm writing I just want something to make me less nervous. I've never experienced this really since I was younger when we first went, but I love the feeling. I love that everyone is talking about us and trying to break down our team, it's a nice change from always being ignored. Yeah we're still kind of being ignored because we play all of our games before fucking 5 pm but what can you do? Well you can win the ALDS and go to the ALCS where you will get primetime. For the rangers season to feel like a success we have to win this series, at least that is how I'm looking at it. Yeah the playoffs are nice, but I mean if you get knocked out in the first round you're only play an extra week of baseball. Plus it would be the fourth time now that the Rangers get knocked out in the first round. We need some success.

What fun is it going to be if we're down 2-0 coming back to Arlington, and we lose? It'll be the most depressing feeling I have felt with this team in a long time. We need to get the stadium hopping, and we need to win the series. Preferably you'd like to do it at home. The stadium would be going nuts and I have a feeling it'd be the craziest atmosphere ever at the ballpark.

We need to win.