Tuesday, November 8, 2011

What Does Carson Daly Do?

Does anyone know? Because I know he used to host TRL and he used to have a late night talk show, but now? I have no fucking clue.

I watched his "late night talk show" late last night, and I am so confused. He didn't interview anyone, he didn't have a set, he didn't have an audience and I am not completely sure, but I think he was missing a soul. He is just a robot. Just reading off a teleprompter going on and on about shitty bands no one has ever heard of, while walking around some record store. He doesn't seem human now, he's just a Hollywood whore. Executives think, "Who can we get that knows how to read, won't go off script at all, and doesn't care about life at all?" CARSON FUCKING DALY! WE'LL GET CARSON FUCKING DALY!

Come on, man. Have some respect for yourself.

Friday, October 28, 2011

I write this

I write this because I need to write this, not because I want to write this. If I don’t write this, I don’t think I will be able to get over the pain that I have just went through. I write this because talking to friends will not help. I write this to try to make sense of the horror I just witnessed. I write this to try to justify my emotional attachment to a little game and a team. If you are not a sports fan, then you will think this is silly but if you’re reading this, you are most likely a sports fan.

Heck, if you’re reading this, you probably know me because a road out in the middle of nowhere gets more traffic than my blog. So, I think everyone who reads this will understand.

Last night the Rangers were a strike away on two different occasions and they just couldn’t do it. Josh Hamilton hit a two run home run in the 10th and they still couldn’t do it. It’s safe to say that last night was horrible, but I still had a little bit of hope. After all there was still a game seven, so even though I felt horrible I didn’t feel like it was over. Well, it’s over now and I can honestly say I want last night back. Last night was freaking amazing, the Rangers still had a chance to win the World Series! That chance is gone, at least ‘til next season. However, the likelihood of going to three World Series in a row cannot be good, so I feel like this might be it for a while. Maybe my mind will change on that, but not right now.

I didn’t watch the last two innings. I just sat on my porch and thought about why I was so depressed and dejected. And, even though I thought the answer was a simple, “The Rangers lost in the World Series.” It’s much deeper than that. I’m depressed because I was counting on the Rangers to make my life better, to make all this stress of the real world go away. At least for a few days I could forget about it all and celebrate something I have wanted to see my whole life. But, that didn’t happen and now I am back in the real world and it sucks.

It shouldn’t suck, though. I shouldn’t depend on some sports team to make my life happier. Sports are here as a bonus in life, not a lifeline. So, this winter I plan to make my life better. I plan to live. And, I plan to root for the home team when the calendar hits April 2012.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Randy Galloway

Roses are red and violets are blue
No one is better at spewing shit than you
You watch a few playoff baseball games and consider yourself an expert
But we all know where your heart lies with the big star on your sweatshirt
You are actually a sports writer, how did you get so lucky?
When the stuff you write is so sucky.

Violets are blue and roses are red
My mind still can’t get over the insane stuff you said
Reading your articles is such a beating
Hating on our star pitcher
But do you remember what he did all season?
No you probably don’t since you didn’t watch
You were prepping for Cowboy season and drinking scotch
I don’t care what you have to say
Fuck off, Randy Galloway.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

I just don't know

At first this blog post was going to be about how I wanted to be a woman but that would have been too short of a post. It is clear why I want to be a woman, so I can play with my boobs, of course. That is the only upside. What else is there? Bleeding and pushing fucking humans out of your body? That is disgusting.

The fact is, I don't know what to write about. I know this is a baseball blog, however I have found when I write about baseball, I lose my excitement for it. Believe it or not it's hard to write about something you love so much, it's why I can never write about masturbating. Writing about nothing is when I always end up with something. Now I am not saying its a good "something" but at least its something. I don't like deadlines either, I mean who would? Just look at the word, "deadline." It is possibly the most boring/frightening word, ever. It starts out with death and ends with a line. How exciting can a line be? I've never met an exciting line in my life.

That is why I don't like having a deadline being put on my passion. Would you want someone to put a deadline on building model airplanes? No. You do it cause you love it, why else would you waste your time building model airplanes?

You may be asking yourself how this post started out about being a woman and ended up being about deadlines. But to me that is the beauty of it. Fuck it. Fuck deadlines. Fuck subjects.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Baseball is back!

We have survived the long harsh winter and now it's time for some baseball. I love the winter and the cold, the snow and even the ice. Winter would be my favorite season if it wasn't for one thing and that one thing? There is no baseball. Every winter I'm just stuck waiting for the Rangers to start playing again. Every year I go through this period where I think "Maybe I won't be so addicted this season." And every year that never comes true, in fact my love for the game just intensifies.

Last year my predictions failed miserably. The rangers went all the way to the World Series, I believe I had them finishing last. This year is no different. The rangers will finish last and I expect Seattle to make a strong push into first place leaving everyone in a coffee like dust. I'm a ranger fan, but I'm also realistic and I just don't think anyone can get past Seattle. I'll still watch every game, and I'll still go out and support the Rangers, but I'll do it with a closed mind. A closed heart, knowing no one can stop the train of Seattle, not even Denzel Washington. So I'd like to take this time to congratulate Seattle and to say to Ranger fans DO NOT be discouraged. We'll get back to the World Series one day, let Seattle have their fun. The price of gold is way up and King Felix has a shit load of it.

Saddle up everyone...it's gonna be a long season.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Cliff Lee is gone

I decided to write a little script of how the Lee, Rangers time together would have played out if it would have been a boy/girl relationship.

Click on the link below to read.


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

It's time

It's time was the slogan for the 2010 season and I thought it was kind of corny, but it certainly wasn't the worst slogan I've heard. It kind of got me going, I mean it's freaking time. We've waited long enough, some of our prospects are finally up and we added some veterans to help us balance it out. It's time. Let's do it. No more waiting for the playoffs, I want the playoffs now. The playoffs we got in this magical 2010 season and when I say magical I really mean it. That is the only way to describe what we saw this 2010 season, I mean sure I wanted them go to the playoffs this year, but did I expect it? Not so much. They proved me wrong and everyone else wrong this season. Not only did they go to the playoffs, they made it to the freaking World Series. At first the playoffs were just in someway gratifying, and it was "wow maybe I'm not incredible crazy for caring about this team so much" then after we beat the Rays it was just pure joy. What an amazing feeling it is having the team you care so much about make it to the championship. It was so sweet and so much fun to watch this team play this season, it was never boring. At times frustrating but it was never boring and that is because the guys on this team are so much fun to watch, so much. Sure you got the Claw and Antlers but if you know baseball and you play baseball you can tell when someone truly appreciates it. They appreciate it and watching this whole season it makes me appreciate baseball more.

Every playoff game I went to I always took a moment just to soak it in. The first playoff game this year I remember sitting in my seat way way up and just seeing all the towels flying. Now mind you I hate rally towels but it sure was nice to see at the ballpark. I always see them at Philly and to finally see them here with music playing and the crowd being pumped up. It was something I thought I'd never see at the ballpark. Then the night we won the pennant was the best night of my life. I'm so happy I was there and able to share and go crazy with other ranger fans. That night was crazy. It was like my hangover, except with no drugs or alcohol. Also no naked man jumped on me, however a guy without his shirt off gave me a hug and the smell of his funk is just now washing off of me.

So thank you to Washington, who overcame a lot this year. From the Cocaine reports to leading the team to a World Series.

Thanks to Michael Young who hasn't left this franchise and stuck with it through all the terrible times. It's finally paying off.

Thanks to Hamilton for being a Hall of Fame player and Hall of Fame guy.

Thanks to Elvis for being the 2nd best person named Elvis ever.

Thanks to Kinsler and an apology to his helmet that got pounded into the ground quite a bit.

Thanks to Neftali Feliz who throws a fastball that goes faster than my car.

Thanks to Cliff Lee for saving our butt this post-season.

Thanks to C.J. Wilson for backing up his cockiness and turning into a solid number 2 starter.

And Thanks to Josh Lewin who will no longer be announcing the games, but will always be my favorite announcer.

Oh and of course Thank you Nelly and your boomstick.