Dear Cricket.

Cliff Lee won his first game as a ranger, and the rangers are six up on the Angels, but you rain on my parade cricket. You chirp, and chirp. You're stuck in my a/c, and I can't get you out. I choose to believe you're chirping out of excitement for the rangers, but even that is not calming the rage that is building inside me at you. I don't want to hurt you, cricket. Not that I could since you're hiding like a little punk, but still even if I saw you I wouldn't hurt you. I'd just put you outside, but no you choose to hide and chirp. I don't know if you know this or not, but your chirping is very annoying. Sure I have an ipod, and I am currently drowning out your annoying chirping with music, but I can't sleep with blaring music in my ear, and I can hardly sleep with an annoying cricket chirping in my house. Guess what that is, cricket? It's a lose lose situation. I have stuff to do tomorrow, cricket. What are you going to do? Nothing. Now I am hoping we can agree on something before it's time for me to sleep. Maybe we can become friends, and I'll take you out to eat. I can put you in peoples food and laugh when they freak out seeing a cricket in their food. We can go watch other crickets, and see which ones you like.


I'll be your wingman so you can get some. Whatever crickets get, you'd be getting it. I'm willing to maybe drive you to a new home. Maybe a mansion somewhere that has really hot women living in it. Just please stop chirping, please. I ask you this as a friend.


Love your friend, cricket lover101.


P.S. Chirp.